Examine (Fiercely) The Story You Tell Yourself
We are a species that likes stories. Many of us were lulled to sleep as infants by a parent who would tell us one or more at night. Stories help us make meaning of a world that often feels chaotic and sometimes overwhelming.
Sometimes the stories we tell ourselves goes off the rails. Well known examples abound. The (now defunct) Theranos company would be one. Elizabeth Holmes stuck to her story long after the objective data was heading in a different direction. Sam Bankman Fried’s FTX is a more recent case. In addition to craving a good story we like cohesion. We are most comfortable with a narrative that hangs together. Comfort will trump accuracy.
As a youngster I learned to drive in a pick up truck on some dirt roads that were well worn. I noticed that I could (almost) take my hands off the wheel because the tires would fall by themselves into the ruts and follow along. Our brains (like the rest of us) seek that ease and predictability. In the clinical work I do, this is one reason why changing patterns of thinking and behavior is challenging.
In a world where stories can “go viral,” distorted stories can get traction and fly around so quickly that it’s impossible to critically examine them before they take hold.
Sometimes I run this thought experiment when I have a decision to make: I imagine a conversation with some person I respect who calls into question the story I’m telling myself. It’s an easy way of testing my assumptions. I’m by no means immune from errors, but doing this reduces their frequency.
We tell stories to others and to ourselves. We listen to them as well. Using a critical, objective “third ear” can make navigating choices a more effective endeavor.